A Guide to Spotting the Slutty Girl

I'd like to start out this article by giving you my own personal definition of slut. A slut is girl that uses her sexuality as a means of expression. I'm aware that won't change girls equation of me = judgmental asshole and guys equation of slut = blowjob in the back alley. However, take note of a few things about this definition:

1) It is totally void of judgment. It is not a good or bad thing, fulfilling or draining, or even useful or detrimental, to be a slut. In other words, sluts are neutral in my moral hemisphere. I do not expect many to share the same view point.

2) With that said, sluts very much are like anything else in the world. It's like the old saying goes: "Nothing is either good or bad, only thinking makes it so." Sluts are like fire, water and white people--they can be bearers of immense pleasure, or harbingers of death.

3) Slut is a noun, but it can also be an adjective. Example:

That girl is a slut = Noun usage
That girl is wearing a slutty dress = adjective.

This is grammar lesson might seem trivial, but it highlights the key difference in my thinking compared to the rest of the population about sluts. I do not believe sluts exist. Yes, a girl can act so slutty that she becomes known by that identity, but it's not like it's her height. It can be changed, and it does change (by option or de facto when she's over the hill) It's an adjective. Stupid people occasionally have moments of brilliance, but continued moments of idiocy usually does get someone branded a moron for life. It's not fair, but it's what happens.

4) Sluts are not whores. Yes, in the heat of battle, even I slip up and refer to them as whores, but it's important to remember that whore is an actual profession. It's just that to be a whore, the slut must be strong within you. The inverse of this statement is no true, therefore the terms not interchangable.

5) There are degrees of slutdom, but being born with a vagina means you score at least 1 point according to my definition. Yes, I realize that I'm saying that every woman is a slut but if you look at my definition you'll realize this is not good or bad, only the truth. Also, all guys are horndogs to some degree. Even the nicest guy in the world, if he was born with a penis, will have considered sleeping with anything in a skirt at one point or another.

6) Yes, I believe girls go through a slut phase. It's not fair (or even logical) to brand them highly slutty when they are 26 and in a committed relationship for things they did when they were 19 and drinking till they blackout and woke up in some guys bed. To take maximum advantage of this knowledge, you obviously would want to hit them in the slut phase with the tide (and panties) are low. Stay away from high tide. Cost/benefit analysis usually doesn't bode well.

7) Finally, even though I think slut a neutral term, I realize most people do not share that view. To all the girls reading this who are getting their g-strings in a fit over my highly judgmental term (despite my defense earlier in the post) to you I say this: If you think slut is a negative term, then it is to you. I'm not going to stop using it to describe certain aspects of female behavior anymore than you'll stop using the word stupid to describe people who do shit like graduate from high school at 22 or who asks the police to test their crack for purity.

With all of the above said, I bring to you my own personal checklist for spotting the sluttiest girls at any venue. I know guys will be eating this up, and women will now wonder how slutty they're appearing when they go out. However, I suspect barring a one or two startling revelations, most girls already know the answer and will deny their sluttiness. Or better yet, defend their position as being innocent. Fuck that noise, I know better.

Smokers: +10

I first made this connection when I got old enough to go out to bars. Too bad I didn't realize it sooner. Give a girl 10 points on her sluttiness scale if you notices she smokes. I'm sure it's no coincidence that the girl who is mostly like to blow you that night also enjoys sucking on the long cylindrical objects that can kill her. And hey, just think, dicks don't usually cause cancer (except in the case of penis exposed to fallout. in that case, make sure you wear a lead condom). Those argue against this, statistics, I summon thee!


Heavy drinkers: +10

Here is a secret I bet no one knows: the more flowing the nectar of the gods is, the more flowing her nectar will be. I've even got this shit worked out mathematically. Whatever the girls BAC is, the more likely it is she'll spread for someone that night. Don't get caught up in the semantics--some girls have standards and will only jerk you off or blow you.

If you use my formula, then a girl who does a few shots and gets a respective BAC of .15 is 30 percent more likely to ramp her slut to porn star levels. Those that drink to barely can walk levels more than twice a week should automatically light up on any guys radar if she's in their social circle, and at the bar, and at parties or bars, watch for any girl doing shots.

"All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "Tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "Tackle drunk bitches."
-Jay, The Forty Year Old Virgin

Hard Drug Users: 15-20+

Risky behaviors comes in clusters, so if you want to separate out the easiest, sluttiest girls, find one that indulges heroin, cocaine, meth or pcp. However, if you get HIV or wake up with your shit stolen by a crackhead, don't blame me. I'm just pointing out trends. I don't want to be responsible for what the cat dragged in.

Tattoos and Piercings: +8, +1 for each subsequent tattoo and piercing, +12 for a lower back tattoo independant in addition to prior score., +20 for nipple ring, +40 for clit ring

It's called a "Tramp Stamp" and not a "Nun Stamp" or an "I'm saving myself for marriage stamp." Whether it's being slutty that makes a girl get a tattoo, or girls that opt to get tattoos are more slutty, I can't say. No one knows whether the chicken came before the egg--all we know is that chickens and eggs are fuckin delicious and we can't have one without the other.

Athletic/Competitive Women: +5

This only gets five points, and like everything else in this list, it is a gross generalization, but my experience and shown a strong enough correlation to where I trust it and therefore so should you. Competition and athletic ability are fueled by that wonderful hormone testosterone. Testerone is responsible for all sorts of wonderful things, though none more wonderful than our sex drive. The more of it you have, the more horny you'll be. You'll also be more competative and athletic, hence the relationship. Guys have 40-60 times more of testosterone than women, which accounts for our "bang anything that moves after we play a game of tackle football without pads" mentality, but girls are far more sensitive to it's effects. Find a girl that likes to compete at everything or plays a few sports, and she is guaranteed to be a little more slutty than your run of the mill submissive girly girl.

Girls on Meds: +10 to 15

Any tried and true player in the game has had to notice a striking relationship between girls that admit they are taking anti depressants or mood altering medication, and their level of sluttiness. I do not know the science behind this one exactly, but I know it's so true that any girl that mentions meds in her background I automatically start to a detailed cost-benefit analysis in my head before deciding the appropriate course of action. Most times it's just not worth it because life is already crazy enough without dealing with someone who is legitimately crazy.

Fresh out of Mid-Long Term Relationship: +8

Something about getting out of a relationship brings out this super fierce empowerment in women that makes them do slutty things to verify the end of co-dependance. While these girls may not be extremely slutty normally, they decide to go do slutty because they either want to experience freedom, get back at their ex's, or are just downright depressed and need a way to cope. Thus things like alcohol, hard drugs, cigarettes, and maybe even anti depressants come into play. The funny thing is that this does not last a very long time, so strike while the iron is hot (hey! it's point six being referenced!). These girls tend to be easier. Hence the term, "rebound."

Her (close) Friends are Slutty: +8

Everyone picks their friends based on similar core ideas and value systems. Their especially close friends anyhow. True, you may have a social circle that carries a broad spectrum of personality and ideas, but pay attention to that 80/20 you spend most of your time with and are closest with. 20 percen to the people you spend 80 percent of your time communicating with and talking with will be a lot more similar to you than the other 80 percent. It's a not hard fact (hey, none of this is actually) that they'll share the same view of promiscuity, but it's A LOT MORE LIKELY.

With that list in hand, tally it up. I made these numbers up on the fly based on how much of a single reliable indicator they are, so I don't know what score correlates to what lever of sluttiness, but the higher the numbers, the more likely the girl is at low tide.

A Guide to Spotting the Slutty Girl

[caption id="attachment_82" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="...I think I know this girl..."][/caption]

I'd like to start out this article by giving you my own personal definition of slut. A slut is girl that uses her sexuality as a means of expression. I'm aware that won't change girls equation of me = judgmental asshole and guys equation of slut = blowjob in the back alley. However, take note of a few things about this definition:

1) It is totally void of judgment. It is not a good or bad thing, fulfilling or draining, or even useful or detrimental, to be a slut. In other words, sluts are neutral in my moral hemisphere. I do not expect many to share the same view point.

2) With that said, sluts very much are like anything else in the world. It's like the old saying goes: "Nothing is either good or bad, only thinking makes it so." Sluts are like fire, water and white people--they can be bearers of immense pleasure, or harbingers of death.

3) Slut is a noun, but it can also be an adjective. Example:

That girl is a slut = Noun usage
That girl is wearing a slutty dress = adjective.

This is grammar lesson might seem trivial, but it highlights the key difference in my thinking compared to the rest of the population about sluts. I do not believe sluts exist. Yes, a girl can act so slutty that she becomes known by that identity, but it's not like it's her height. It can be changed, and it does change (by option or de facto when she's over the hill) It's an adjective. Stupid people occasionally have moments of brilliance, but continued moments of idiocy usually does get someone branded a moron for life. It's not fair, but it's what happens.

4) Sluts are not whores. Yes, in the heat of battle, even I slip up and refer to them as whores, but it's important to remember that whore is an actual profession. It's just that to be a whore, the slut must be strong within you. The inverse of this statement is no true, therefore the terms not interchangable.

5) There are degrees of slutdom, but being born with a vagina means you score at least 1 point according to my definition. Yes, I realize that I'm saying that every woman is a slut but if you look at my definition you'll realize this is not good or bad, only the truth. Also, all guys are horndogs to some degree. Even the nicest guy in the world, if he was born with a penis, will have considered sleeping with anything in a skirt at one point or another.

6) Yes, I believe girls go through a slut phase. It's not fair (or even logical) to brand them highly slutty when they are 26 and in a committed relationship for things they did when they were 19 and drinking till they blackout and woke up in some guys bed. To take maximum advantage of this knowledge, you obviously would want to hit them in the slut phase with the tide (and panties) are low. Stay away from high tide. Cost/benefit analysis usually doesn't bode well.

7) Finally, even though I think slut a neutral term, I realize most people do not share that view. To all the girls reading this who are getting their g-strings in a fit over my highly judgmental term (despite my defense earlier in the post) to you I say this: If you think slut is a negative term, then it is to you. I'm not going to stop using it to describe certain aspects of female behavior anymore than you'll stop using the word stupid to describe people who do shit like graduate from high school at 22 or who asks the police to test their crack for purity.

With all of the above said, I bring to you my own personal checklist for spotting the sluttiest girls at any venue. I know guys will be eating this up, and women will now wonder how slutty they're appearing when they go out. However, I suspect barring a one or two startling revelations, most girls already know the answer and will deny their sluttiness. Or better yet, defend their position as being innocent. Fuck that noise, I know better.

Smokers: +10

I first made this connection when I got old enough to go out to bars. Too bad I didn't realize it sooner. Give a girl 10 points on her sluttiness scale if you notices she smokes. I'm sure it's no coincidence that the girl who is mostly like to blow you that night also enjoys sucking on the long cylindrical objects that can kill her. And hey, just think, dicks don't usually cause cancer (except in the case of penis exposed to fallout. in that case, make sure you wear a lead condom). Those argue against this, statistics, I summon thee!


Heavy drinkers: +10

Here is a secret I bet no one knows: the more flowing the nectar of the gods is, the more flowing her nectar will be. I've even got this shit worked out mathematically. Whatever the girls BAC is, the more likely it is she'll spread for someone that night. Don't get caught up in the semantics--some girls have standards and will only jerk you off or blow you.

If you use my formula, then a girl who does a few shots and gets a respective BAC of .15 is 30 percent more likely to ramp her slut to porn star levels. Those that drink to barely can walk levels more than twice a week should automatically light up on any guys radar if she's in their social circle, and at the bar, and at parties or bars, watch for any girl doing shots.

"All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "Tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "Tackle drunk bitches."
-Jay, The Forty Year Old Virgin

Hard Drug Users: 15-20+

Risky behaviors comes in clusters, so if you want to separate out the easiest, sluttiest girls, find one that indulges heroin, cocaine, meth or pcp. However, if you get HIV or wake up with your shit stolen by a crackhead, don't blame me. I'm just pointing out trends. I don't want to be responsible for what the cat dragged in.

Tattoos and Piercings: +8, +1 for each subsequent tattoo and piercing, +12 for a lower back tattoo independant in addition to prior score., +20 for nipple ring, +40 for clit ring

It's called a "Tramp Stamp" and not a "Nun Stamp" or an "I'm saving myself for marriage stamp." Whether it's being slutty that makes a girl get a tattoo, or girls that opt to get tattoos are more slutty, I can't say. No one knows whether the chicken came before the egg--all we know is that chickens and eggs are fuckin delicious and we can't have one without the other.

Athletic/Competitive Women: +5

This only gets five points, and like everything else in this list, it is a gross generalization, but my experience and shown a strong enough correlation to where I trust it and therefore so should you. Competition and athletic ability are fueled by that wonderful hormone testosterone. Testerone is responsible for all sorts of wonderful things, though none more wonderful than our sex drive. The more of it you have, the more horny you'll be. You'll also be more competative and athletic, hence the relationship. Guys have 40-60 times more of testosterone than women, which accounts for our "bang anything that moves after we play a game of tackle football without pads" mentality, but girls are far more sensitive to it's effects. Find a girl that likes to compete at everything or plays a few sports, and she is guaranteed to be a little more slutty than your run of the mill submissive girly girl.

Girls on Meds: +10 to 15

Any tried and true player in the game has had to notice a striking relationship between girls that admit they are taking anti depressants or mood altering medication, and their level of sluttiness. I do not know the science behind this one exactly, but I know it's so true that any girl that mentions meds in her background I automatically start to a detailed cost-benefit analysis in my head before deciding the appropriate course of action. Most times it's just not worth it because life is already crazy enough without dealing with someone who is legitimately crazy.

Fresh out of Mid-Long Term Relationship: +8

Something about getting out of a relationship brings out this super fierce empowerment in women that makes them do slutty things to verify the end of co-dependance. While these girls may not be extremely slutty normally, they decide to go do slutty because they either want to experience freedom, get back at their ex's, or are just downright depressed and need a way to cope. Thus things like alcohol, hard drugs, cigarettes, and maybe even anti depressants come into play. The funny thing is that this does not last a very long time, so strike while the iron is hot (hey! it's point six being referenced!). These girls tend to be easier. Hence the term, "rebound."

Her (close) Friends are Slutty: +8

Everyone picks their friends based on similar core ideas and value systems. Their especially close friends anyhow. True, you may have a social circle that carries a broad spectrum of personality and ideas, but pay attention to that 80/20 you spend most of your time with and are closest with. 20 percen to the people you spend 80 percent of your time communicating with and talking with will be a lot more similar to you than the other 80 percent. It's a not hard fact (hey, none of this is actually) that they'll share the same view of promiscuity, but it's A LOT MORE LIKELY.

With that list in hand, tally it up. I made these numbers up on the fly based on how much of a single reliable indicator they are, so I don't know what score correlates to what lever of sluttiness, but the higher the numbers, the more likely the girl is at low tide.

Racism is a Myth

I'd been searching long and hard for this article to post because I absolutely love it. I think it makes me a traitor to black people that I am agreeing with the logic here, but what hell, white people did bring me out of the jungle and gave me reading, laws, order and white women. Enjoy!:

Barack Obama has been facing some harsh criticism lately and, of course, far-left crazies like Jimmy Carter immediately claimed it was racism. As a member of the race ostensibly at the heart of this racism, I am offended by these immediate cries of "Racist!" I'm here to say not only does racism not exist now, it has never existed. Before your head explodes from thinking of a hundred examples simultaneously, let me continue.

I believe the entire concept of racism was concocted by the minorities we supposedly discriminate against. It's more comfortable for them to fabricate this idea that we target people different from us than it is to admit the universe is always coincidental in our favor. I can't say I blame them. I mean, if I had to pick an enemy, I would certainly prefer Caucasians to the entire fucking universe.

Slavery is likely an example you'd cite to discredit me, but let's examine that. We didn't take people from Africa because they were black; we did it because we needed laborers who would work for nothing. And since the dicks in America wanted to get paid, we went to Africa to buy some. It's not like we said "Sounds good. But I'm only doing it if they're black." We slaughter cattle because that's how you get beef. It's not like we hate cows.

And we only wiped out Indians because they were on land we wanted. Sure, their skin and clothes made them easy to target, but it's not WHY we did it. History would've played out the same if the indigenous people had been the crackeriest people ever. "This land yields great crops. Too bad you folks are white so we can't slaughter you and take it." Puh-leeze.

You might say this is all semantics. You might say, "Your reason for subjugating us is irrelevant. The fact is that you HAVE done terrible things to countless people for centuries and the roots of that behavior are so deep they haven't completely disappeared. The preposterous suggestion that it wasn't racially motivated isn't the point."

My response? I'm white so the point is whatever I say it is.
The point is Christian white men never target a group because it's different. It is sheer coincidence that all the people we've needed to enslave, kill, beat or rape have been different. We aren't racists because we say we're not racists. What part of that do you not get? If a prostitute calls herself a "performance artist," I don't call bullshit. I accept it as truth because she has made it her truth. And if your truth says that I AM racist, my truth trumps it somehow.

Have we made mistakes? Sure. But they were just several billion isolated incidents. It's not some centuries-old systemic problem you can slap a label on. That is too easy and, frankly, too ingenuous.
So, let's stop carelessly throwing around completely accurate and simultaneously false labels like "racist" "sexist" or "guy who just curbed that Mexican for no reason." Because when you get right down to it, we're all just people.

Sincerely,
Christian A. Whiteman III

P.S.
Affirmative action, now that's racist.

Mental Basics of Dating: There is No Reality, Only Perception

“If you want to get laid, the trick is not to bend the poon. But instead, realize there is no poon in the first place.”

Edward Latimore, Socially Offensive Blogger

There comes a point in every person’s life, while they are in pursuit of something they desire, that they must evaluate the progress made towards attaining their goal. Whether it’s to have a better sex life, to move up through the ranks of their company, or to get so high that they activate psychic abilities (that’s not being overly silly. I have witnessed such an endeavor and it actually ended with my friend being able to move drug paraphernalia with his mind. Yes, a randomly floating bong is about is interesting as it sounds), eventually they have to produce a result. Otherwise, it’s a failure. I can hear people going, “Oh but what about all the things you learn on the journey there?” That shit is all well and good but human beings (you and I, my friend) are goal driven creatures. We feel kinda funny when something we strived for falls through.

So what happens when you find that you aren’t succeeding the way you’d like despite how hard you focused on getting laid, getting paid, or moving objects with your mind? Well, the only logical thing there is to do: you look and see what you’ve done, and you try to fix it. At least that’s how it should happen.

During the actual application of this idea, a lot of us tend to do something else. Instead of looking at ourselves and see what the problem is with us, more often than not a person will look at everything BUT themselves for the solution to their problem. I’ve had several conversations with people about dating and it will probably never cease to amaze me how often they believe the prime suspect in the robbery of their love lives are the ones they desire, and not themselves. We’ve heard all the excuses from both sides, but here are two of the most common from both sides:

“Girls only like jerks, nice guys finish last”
“Guys only like girls are that are thin, pretty with big titties”

The analysis and solution to both of those terribly misinformed points will be approached in future articles, but what I want you to take away from this is that the moment you choose to believe either one of those statements (or anything along a similar vein) you can only loose. This is because they are designed to make you lose because they AREN’T TRUE. They do not represent reality, but they are convenient excuses for not looking at yourself as the solution.

Think of it this way: those are pretty popular statements, and I am not about to tell you that for whatever reason nice guys seem to be scoring at a disproportionately lower frequency than their jerky counter parts. And I’m not about to tell you that a woman’s body isn’t arguably the first and most important criteria for judging whether or not the interaction proceeds beyond hello in most situations. However, do you really believe that everyone you know that has any type of success in dating has their success because they are a jerk or a stupid blond? Look around at all the people married, or in relationships, or who are just plain old playing the field? They do things a certain a way, or did, and it’s not an accident, but you can never see what they are as long as you believe that there is somehow a written truth that severely diminishes your chances of ever having what you want.

Look at the success you want, study it, and commit to seeing what is really happening. Amateurs never understand why pros do certain things until they commit to learning whole heartedly from them. This is true in every single thing you can do. Until then, it just looks weird and they come up with all types of reasons why they’ll never be that good. Do not be that way. Try to see the reality behind all things and this will guide you on your journey.

Mental Basics of Dating: No One Cares

"I mean hey, no offense. It's just that there are a lot of people out there that don’t give a shit about you. And you know what…?
They don’t give a shit about anyone else there either. They don’t care whose dick is getting sucked or whose girlfriend cheated on who. So look, if you’re feeling stuck or frightened about this little tribal world you’re in, I’m here to tell you that it's all very ephemeral. It’s a dream. And as real as it seems to you and everyone else there, it is a short lived thing that exists for a brief moment of time and in a confined location in the universe… and it is yours to play with."
-Mark Redman, Author of Conquer Your Campus

This is a crucial idea to grasp if you wish to improve your dating life. Those three little words will save you a lot of grief, worry, guilt and embarrassment. The next time you are worried about a beautiful person rejecting your approach or advance, or you worry that the whole world will find out what a loser or slut you are because of some past transgression against the imaginary gatekeepers dating, stop.

Take a breath. And say to yourself, “No one cares.” Or if you haven’t quite calmed down after a girl tells you that she’d rather blow a rusty tailpipe than go on a date with you, “No one gives a fuck” is also a perfectly acceptable affirmation. No matter what words you chose to remind yourself, never forget that no one cares. Seriously. They don’t.
What exactly don’t people care about? Lots of things, but in this particular context it helps to remember that no one cares:

1) If you get rejected
2) If you spend the rest of your life masturbating and cursing the opposite sex
3) If you get laid
4) If things turned out well with that hottie in the corner you flirting with (unless that hottie happens to be said observers fiancee or more)
5) If you find love

This not only goes for the onlookers, but the person you decided was going to be the target of your courtship for the moment. Now it might actually feel like everyone at the party is looking at you like it’s 4th down with 2 seconds left with one play to win the game, but the reality is that most people don’t even know there’s a game on—at least not your game. They’re too concerned trying to score. And even if they aren’t, almost everyone has something going out that is more important than your hunt for a mate.

This isn’t grade school where everyone makes fun of you for having a crush because we all had cooties (though some of us still have cooties though—my doctor calls them herpes) No. Everyone is trying to get theirs, and no one is making fun of you or even thinking about you trying to get yours (with the possible exception of an angry and jealous ex).

And what about the person that just blew you off in polite (or not so polite) fashion? They may feel an inkling of guilt because most people don’t inherently enjoy being mean to people—even people they aren’t interested in. However, unless you did something truly ridiculous or awkward, your initial attempt won’t receive more than a passing through by them, and whether this bruises your ego or not, they probably will not remember you in a few short weeks anyway.

Regardless of what your worst nightmares are telling you, they aren’t sitting around laughing at you at every get together, they don’t tell stories about you each thanksgiving, and unless you are truly out of it, they probably won’t even recognize you if you run into the again unless it’s a specific type of social set up. Yes, it sucks, but it beats being the person that DOES leave an impression but does not get a date or phone number. Most times those people were [creepy, smelly, stupid, ugly, insert suitable adjective here] enough to leave a memory and for you people that fit that criteria, you will become an endless source of holiday stories. Sorry.

Now that I’ve shattered the illusion that people actually care what you do or will actually think about what you’re doing when you approach them or make passes, now here comes the good news (and my friends, remember, there is ALWAYS good news): This means that you are free to approach anyone you want because the memory does not stay with you or them, nor do they (or anyone else) particularly care. Even if you do fuck up and make a pass at someone’s wife, you’ll usually be politely corrected once. Consecutive passes typically result in a test of your chin against an angry fist.

This is the only way to improve—to always be approaching people. The only way to do this and learn from it is to not care too much about the particular outcome—only care about what you learned and experienced to make you better so that one day you can have whatever it is that you want from the opposite sex. Because if you don’t take this approach, it’s not like anyone will care to take your hand and do it for you. You might get lucky, but the reality is you probably won’t.

Though there are myriad types of prostitutes out there that care about your wallet in exchange for the illusion. Fuck the illusion, and fuck what you think people might be thinking. Remember—no one cares.

Mental Basics of Dating: You’re Going to Die

“Death is the road to awe”
Lord of Xibalba, The Fountain

In most courses of study, students start out in some class that ends with “101”. Well, in the class known as “dating” (or seduction, getting laid, meeting people, or whatever suits your fancy) you don’t even get to start in 101. This is no knock against you, but there are certain attitudes, mindsets and perspectives you need to consciously cultivate before you can even start on the basics of pure “dating” (I like the word “dating”, by the way. It covers such a broad spectrum. From now on, all things concerning non-platonic interactions shall be called dating unless it relates to a specific skill).

The series of post titled “The Mental Basics of Dating” will lay out the core beliefs to be successful not only at dating, but at all social interactions as a whole. If dating is a pro racecar driver with a seven speed stick shift cruising 200 miles per hour, then right know you are a little snot nose kid in just figuring out that moving on your legs on your tricycle gets you from point A to point B. The first lesson in the mental basics of dating is simple: You are going to die.

That’s right. There’s nothing you can do about this. I once heard that the only guarantees in life were paying taxes and death. Well that’s only partially true—you can evade taxes at your own peril. I’ve known people that have never paid taxes and the government may never find out. Perhaps they’ll succeed up until the day they die. Then it won’t matter. But with that simple reference to my criminal ties, a point is made. Nothing matters in the long run because it’s all going to come to an end—and while we don’t know what lies on the other side, we know a few fun and obvious facts about this side of the equation:

1) You can’t take shit with you
2) You don’t know when you’ll check out
3) You know that you can’t check back in
4) Whoever is left alive can no longer affect you
5) And lastly, you can no longer affect them.

With that said, how you spend the 60-80 years you have here is up to you, but in context of dating, think of it this way: You can lead a life full of great experiences and no regrets because you know that in the end, this game of life while eventually kick you off the island OR you can be timid and tentative and never experience nothing new or fun and still get kicked off the island anyway. The choice is yours, but as the great sage Jay-Z once said, “I can’t beat death so I’m tryin’ to beat life.” I’m assuming you are at least entertaining the possibility that anything I tell you might be useful so for you to proceed through anything else, I want you to consciously choose to use your next 60-80 years on this planet as if they don’t matter—because they don’t. Not in the long run, and in the medium and barely in the short term.

You can go smoke crack, and rob people, and do all sorts of stupid shit, or you can commit to having a rich and fulfilling 8 decades of life. I’m not telling you which to pick, but I’ve met a lot of crackheads and a lot of people who are successful and even though they’re both going to the land of no return, the guy with lots of options in life seems happier. You want to be that person with lots of options enjoying yourself, but if you find yourself being too scared to act in the fact of a beautiful person, or if you ever believe that you aren’t good enough, or will fail, remember, you’ll die no matter what you do, so you might as well do. Otherwise, just go smoke crack.

Stuff Niggas Like #3: Sitting In The Back of The Bus

I’ve recently become a pedestrian again due to my recent car crash, but sometimes getting around by foot alone simply takes too long. This means I had to man up and buy a bus pass for the time being. What I love about public transportation is the truly random assortment of people I encounter. Sure, there are some regulars—like the people going to and coming from work at the same time everyday—but for the most part, I usually enjoy knowing that I’ll never know who or what I’ll see on the bus. In my 24 years of taking the bus I’ve encountered everything from random men offering to blow my friends and I for food, to guys trying to sell me porn dvds, and even got into a fight or two with a homeless guy. However, no matter how crazy things get, I still know that I’ll always have two constants on public transportation no matter which city across America I’m in: people going to work everyday at the same time, and niggas sitting in the back of the bus.

Niggas like—no, they LOVE sitting in the back of the bus. No matter how many empty seats there are in the front, or how crowded the back may be with other niggas, you can be rest assured that whenever a nigga gets on the bus he will head straight to the rear. This is especially strange considering that for the majority of their time here in this country, niggas were not allowed to even step foot in the front end of bus for fear of being forced to sit in fried chicken restaurants and not being allowed to order anything. It would appear that years of being forced to sit in the back of the bus has etched an unbreakable habit into the future generations of niggas that compels with the conviction of Christ to sit in the back of the bus.

Because niggas can be quite territorial, you have to be careful if you find yourself accidentally pushed to the back of the bus. Full blown shoot outs have been known to erupt over who is king of the back of the bus so if you take a seat back there, caveat emptor. If you have absolutely no choice but to sit in the back of the bus, make sure you have a shiny fake police badge and a gun clearly on display, for this tends to dissuade most niggas from acting out. However, if you do not have these items, or your state is uptight about bringing a loaded gun onto a city bus or impersonating a police officer, car the next best thing: a book and a job application. That should scare most of them right off the bus and down to the nearest corner.

Stuff Niggas Like #2: Not Dancing In Dance Clubs

I don't know about you, but I know that I like to go out and have a good time on the weekends. Thirsty Thursdays, Get Fucked Up Fridays, Suck Down 50¢ Shots Saturdays, So Sauced I'm Calling Off From Work Sundays, and Man I Need To Drink Less Mondays are my favorites.

Even if I don't have more than a few drinks, I like to go out to the club and dance. Everyone loves the club for different reasons, but some people can't seem to find the love!

Niggas do not like dancing in clubs. This might come as a surprise since most niggas are descendants of people who made their living shucking and jiving, two stepping, and in some cases, being flat out Sambos. How do niggas like to kick back and enjoy themselves in the club if they just won’t dance? Well don’t worry if you plan on going out with a nigga or two because they’ve found other ways to enjoy the club. I’ll let a two rap songs make the point clear:

"See my niggas don't dance,
we just pull up our pants and,
do the rock away"
-Fat Joe, Lean Back

"I'm in the club posted up,
got my arms folded,
blunt in my mouth,
and these haters I'm scopin"
-Three 6 Mafia, Side To Side

This might sound strange to non niggas. I can hear you all now going, “Wait a second. These guys pay a 10 dollar cover charge just come in and do something they do street corners every night to sell crack and other illegal substances. What the fuck is the point?”

Well, Juicy J from Three 6 Mafia has another lyric for you to answer that question from the very same nigga club anthem quoted previously:

“I'm just tryin to get a mil
I ain't tryin to be the "MACK"
posted up in the club
with a pocket full of crack.......”
-Three 6 Mafia, Side to Side

“Ah, so that’s it. You guys are in there to sell crack? Makes perfect sense. Lots of crack user do hang out in night clubs.” Your assumption is correct. When it gets too competitive with night club lined up with so many non dancing crack dealers, you might have to be careful. Washed up former rap artist Bone Crusher (what a charming name), tells about his experience in the club when too many crackdealers can’t settle things with a simple break dance off:

"So, I'm outside of da club, and you think I'm a punk!!
So I go to my loaded TEC-9 that's off in the trunk!!"
-Bone Crusher, Never Scared

And, there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the fundamentals of clubbing with niggas. No dancing. All business. If the thought of crackheads and guns scare you, you can rest easy my non niggery friends. Clubs have come up with elaborate security measures to keep this kind of nonsense out the club.
Even though it's the 21st century, a subtle form of racism has been summoned with a very old and ancient spell to keep even the most powerful of niggerlords out of your domain. The magic is called a dress code. Now to get into any decent club, you can't wear boots, hoodies, do-rags, fitted caps, or tee's of any sort. Niggas have been known to spontaneously combust if anything other the above attire and prison jumpsuits touch their skin.
I wouldn’t worry about them though because why would they want to be in a club where people aren't standing around mean muggin', just waiting to pick a fight?

-100 to 100

I propose a new way to check someones overall attractiveness. It's simple yet deep, intuitive yet intricate, and subtle but obvious all at once. No more shall we rate people from 1 to 10 for their looks, call them funny or interesting for their personality, or refer to them as rugged or sexy for their primal appeal to us. What makes a person attractive comes down to four simple traits that I will be elaborating on in future posts, but they basically boil down to:

Looks
Status
Money
Personality

This all boils down to a simple question: How attractive, with the sum of all of your traits, are you? How men and women weigh each in their overall decision is, yet again, a matter for another post, but now we're laying the groundwork for something greater. It's like a Lego set out this bitch, and we're about to build the Death Star and Market Street all at once, but first we need to get the basic pieces in place.

When you factor all these things together, sprinkled with a dusting (or heavy helping depending on your own personal style) of game, you get a persons rating on the new and improved empirical Rule style of measuring a persons attractiveness. There will be many fun layers that we shall manipulate later, but these are the basic ideas that need to be grasped for now:

1) If you end up negative, you are repelling people you'd like to be with. Up to a point you will be repelling everyone you want and attracting those you don't. If you're not too far down, you may attract someone who does not know they're true value for some reason, but just like in economics, the invisible hand corrects things (though the hand is often not invisible, but some asshole at a party that has had way too many drinks) After a certain point, you will be repelling everyone.

2) If you are very close to zero, then you are neutral. You probably have a lot of friends and are generally liked (and if too far from zero in the other direction, tolerated), but you are extremely dissatisfied with your interactions with people you'd like to get to know more than platonicaly.

3) If you are heavily positive then you are attracting people you want. Up to a certain point, you are attracting more than most people. Past a certain point, up to 100, you are attracting almost everyone you meet.

If you set this up like a bell curve with zero being top of the bell curve you get a picture like this.



Using the Empirical Rule from statistics, the following is revealed

1) 1 percent of us will be so horrible that no one will want us to even be mentioned in their presence, or so damn attractive that you're a famous celebrity. You are the people who are past +/- 3. You either love life so much that you never sleep, or you hate life so much that you probably are reading this from the afterlife because you've already committed 1000 suicides.

2) 4 percent of us will have pretty damn awesome lives or pretty shitty lives. These are the people that fall between -2 and -3 and +2 and +3. On the top end, you're rich fun and well liked (though not necessarily famous, but possibly) and on the bottom end, you're probably switching between this and playing World of Warcraft and haven't seen the sun in weeks. If you're in high school, I hope you don't decide to go all Columbine because you haven't socially adjusted. Help is on the way.

3. 27 percent of us fall in between -1 and -2 and +1 and +2. This is not a bad place to be on the plus side. On the negative side, you might be extremely social and attractive, but you probably are surrounded by others like you. Misery loves company, and people are less likely to open up a can of Virginia Tech if they have friends.

4. Lastly, 68 percent of us will fall between -1 and +1 when it's all said and done. This is the place you know there's much better out there for you, but you're also aware there's much worse regardless of which side you of zero you sit on. I believe that most of the hard-core self-improvement people (myself included) spent a significant time floating around zero because any lower than -1.5, and you start to give up hope of ever doing better in anything, let alone your dating life.

This is the groundwork for future series on improving your overall attractiveness for men and women.

Stuff Niggas Like #1: Being Late

Did you know that it is literally against the laws of physics for niggas to arrive on time anywhere? If you've been in the unfortunate position of having your plans depend on niggas, you know to set your watch to Nigger Standard Time (NST) and hope for the best. Even this simple change in your watch does not guarantee your plans will go off without a hitch.

Before all you parole officers and family court judges get bent out of shape when said nigger does not show up on time to check in or for his hearing, have a little sympathy. It has been proven that melanin affects one's perception of time so the more this chemical you have in your body, the harder it will be for you to keep track of time (and the darker your skin will be and the worse your credit is). This little known scientific fact also explains why mexicans are so sleepy all the time. Melanin is strange in that it makes it more difficult to keep track of time, but easier to move through space. This is why Niggas are naturally gifted athletes and Mexicans can jump over any fence regardless of height.

Because we understand that melanin destroys a persons ability to be on time, welfare offices every have adjusted their clocks to account for this. However, niggas still manage to find a way to be tardy to everything. Even if you give them a twenty minute window to account for this, mystical forces seem to make them even later than they originally would have been. Your best bet is simply to accept that the niggas in your life will not arrive anywhere on time. Unless, of course, you are giving a away fried chicken

Stuff Niggas Like: The Introduction

I've always been a fan of the site Stuff White People Like . Even though most of my friends are white, SWPL has proven to be an invaluable reference guide for understanding my Caucasian counterparts. Where would I be without understanding the immense interest in camping or why my co workers insist on playing National Public Radio all the time. I am in debt to the author of this site because he has allowed me to seamlessly get my Uncle Tom on and blend right in with white society while causing the minimal amount of instinctual fear the color of my skin usually does. However, my true nature can not be shackled up forever. Deep down, I've got some nigga tendencies. Every time I drive through the ghetto on my way to pick up crack and guns, I feel myself struggling to remain in Wayne Brady mode as the call of my niggerishness is strong in the belly of the beast. While I've gotten adept at hiding my niggerishness, a lot of my other brethern have not. For this reason I've decided to start a series of post explaining Stuff Niggas Like so that white people aren't freaked out by some of the strange (and usually dangerous) things that we do. Stay tuned for future posts about the Stuff Niggas Like.

I Don't Understand Female Cockblockers

So I'm sitting in the bar last night having a few drinks with a buddy of mine when an attractive blond decides to introduce herself to me. Conversation ensues effortlessly because my conversation skills and charm are second to none and I'm at riding that magic point where I have just enough alcohol to make my words flow smoothly, but I can still think of clever shit to say. She gives me her phone number, touches my arm, leans in, and starts blinking rapidly. All the signs are clear that this girl is into me when I spot her friend given me a look that only appears on the face of someone about to administer a prison beating to an inmate that's just been outed as a child molester. I politely ask, "What the hell is your problem?" and judging by the way her face straightened out, I'm guessing no one ever called her on her bullshit. In my head, this should be the end of it. I resume my game spitting activities and the subject switches to comparing travels. Traveling is a great subject to talk about.

But just like that homeless guy you see everyday, with crackhead like persistence she begins to try harder to interrupt a good time. Since I wasn't phased by her scary mean face, she then proceeds to verbally out me. "Blah blah blah! Same old game we hear everyday!" She yells so loud even the bartender stops and looks. All I do is laugh it off, for my game is like teflon to such non sense, but it's interesting. Keeping true to the rules of escalation of force, now she simply grabbed her friend and took her out the bar, with the rest of the entourage in tow.

I've seen this situation and it's variations several times. While it's familiar, I still don't understand what we've accomplished. It would make sense if said obnoxious friend was trying to fuck me, but I'm pretty sure she wanted me to actually die. Words actually can not do justice to the hate I felt emanating from her being as she attempted to destroy her friends chance of meeting a cool fellow like myself. Now her friend is going to end up meeting some guy that sneaks in after everyone is all smashed, he probably just got out of jail and will beat her like she just admitted she was a child molester. Ok, clearly I'm exaggerating, but seriously. What is she protecting her from? Why do girls feel the need to "protect" their single friends from possibly meeting a good guy. Even if she's protecting her from a bad guy, we're not going to find that out until he's fucked her a few times and now she misses out on some good jerk sex. Either way, angry cockblocking friend, you've only kept your friend from experiencing some form of pleasure. I hope you die choking on cock.

Who Keeps Throwing All This Jail Bait In Front Of Me?

I'm 24 and in a few weeks I'll be turning 25. Most of the people I party with fall into that general age range as well, but a disturbing trend is starting to occur. Let's take last night for example. I head a to party where I know the host and her roommate are the same age as I am, but every now and then they'll invite friends of theirs that for some odd reason are still in high school. Like any good party does, reputation spreads, except now it spreads through a damn high school, and next thing you know, I'm able to count 6 different girls (and there were probably more, but my memory gets affected by alcohol consumption) that are not even old enough to vote.

This is problematic for a number of reasons. For starters, unless I specifically ask a lot of times they look just like college students. Nature and society have long been at odds over what age range is acceptable for more than platonic relations: Society has come up with a few arbitrary numbers like 16 or 17. Those numbers ignore the obvious fact that average age for lost virginity is still just under 16. That's the average!! I don't know whether the data is skewed to the left or right, but I know that average means there are a lot of people who are a lot younger than that also balancing out people that are a lot older who have zero social skills. The point I'm making is that it's not like these girls are flat as ironing board and can't produce children. They more or less look like they SHOULD be at the party.

The next problem is that the mere fact that high school girls can get to these parties and stay out all night means they probably come with a host of other issues. I love to generalize so here is some food for thought: how many mentally and socially healthy teenage girls are partying it up with guys almost 10 years their elder while still in high school? Not many. So you girls that like to cut themselves, or have serious drug issues, or are so promiscuous that even the legendary two ply condoms might not be enough. If any fathers read this, you are doing a terrible job if your daughter disappears on a regular basis to parties like this.

My judgment is notoriously bad, but at least I know myself well enough to know how to avoid this situation. Drink so much that I have zero game and pass out.

Starting Out The New Year Broke

Sometimes I feel like the universe is ganging up on me. Ok, well I try not to think like that because it shifts power to the problem, and not the person responsible for fixing the problems, but lately I've been uttering the phrase, "What the fuck!?" in response to the financial bullshit I've been encountering. Let's take a quick look at the past 60 days

Nov. 6 2009: Because I don't believe in following a law that's not enforced, I don't pay parking tickets. They sure showed me. I returned to my vehicle after a few drinks to find a boot on my car that needed to be removed to the tune of 823 dollars.

December 3, 2009: Roommates and I decided that we have irreconcilable differences. I suddenly move. On paper the move should save me 200 dollars a month, but that's after I cough up a security deposit and the rent to the old place for the last month. What looks like 200 in savings actually turns out to be a sudden loss of nearly 700 bucks.

January 7, 2010: Fucking old man winter had a hissy fit and dumped snow and ice on the road. I generally have bad judgment and decided I'd have a drink of 6 anyway and drive. I'm not sure if it contributed to the crash into the median, but Mr. Kamikaze certainly didn't help. Fortunately no one is harmed, and no law men are around, but the first estimate puts me at 1600.

Ah well, it could be worse. I could be homeless.

Yearly Goals

So lets see what i'll be attempting to do this year. I've tried to make goal list in the past and the shit just doesn't work for me. I'd been thinking about this list long and hard for the past week and what I've decided is that a few things need to happen this year, else I fear I may become a drunken hobo.

1. Business. I need to see some items from my nearly finished website, www.ghettoguides.com. I've encountered all sorts of reasons why it hasn't happened yet, and most of it amounts to bullshit. Time to risk a little dysentery and eat all that bullshit and get paid.

2. Tying up loose ends in my foreign language skills. Oh, I can get by in Spanish and Japanese - I even talked my way out of a parking fine in spanish - but this shit needs to get tightened up.

3. Getting better with women. This will prove challenging. I like to approach problems with logic and craft a solution, but there's a reason why hurricanes were only named after women until 1978 when feminism began to rear it's nagging head. What I've uncovered so far is that girls are predictably irrational. If you're scratching your head reading that last statement going, "What the fuck is predictable irrationality" then you my friend are dealing with the same problem I have.

4. Saving money. Because I grew up extremely poor and my skin tone is brown, I never learned the proper way to treat money. I grew up alongside people who take lyrics like, "If you got money, and you know it, take it out your pocket and throw it" as serious as their last welfare check. I'm currently unlearning many of the ignorant laws of money I grew up on, but some of that shit goes deep. Fortunately I keep getting better with each year. My skin is even two shades lighter than when I started.

5. Getting the fuck out. I seriously hate winter. I've also lived in the same two cities most of my life. It's time to see the world. I've handled most of the fears I've had about bouncing to a foreign land with little money and even have a working plan. I will not turn 26 without a serious trip under my belt. Hell, I won't turn 26 in this country if I can help it.

Hmm, that about sums it up

What's The Point of My Blog

As I stumbled out of the bar the other night, I saw a couple of homeless people and they were just chilling out, being homeless and what not. Normally I just step over them, kick them, or occasionally say some smart ass remark like, "change comes from within" but this particular bum was drinking the same thing I just finished drinking. This got me thinking, "If we share the same shitty taste is beers, what the hell else might we have in common?" Because my mind makes strange and ridiculous connections between ideas, I eventually got from this bum and I enjoy the same beverage to holy shit if I don't make some serious progress on some of my goals I might end up like this guy.

This blog will serve as public record of the upcoming year as I attempt to reach some rather ridiculous and interesting goals and the things I learn from them. Hopefully you get to learn from my mistakes and observations along the way. After all, if you can't be a good example be a horrible warning. Most times I'm the latter.