Mental Basics of Dating: No One Cares

"I mean hey, no offense. It's just that there are a lot of people out there that don’t give a shit about you. And you know what…?
They don’t give a shit about anyone else there either. They don’t care whose dick is getting sucked or whose girlfriend cheated on who. So look, if you’re feeling stuck or frightened about this little tribal world you’re in, I’m here to tell you that it's all very ephemeral. It’s a dream. And as real as it seems to you and everyone else there, it is a short lived thing that exists for a brief moment of time and in a confined location in the universe… and it is yours to play with."
-Mark Redman, Author of Conquer Your Campus

This is a crucial idea to grasp if you wish to improve your dating life. Those three little words will save you a lot of grief, worry, guilt and embarrassment. The next time you are worried about a beautiful person rejecting your approach or advance, or you worry that the whole world will find out what a loser or slut you are because of some past transgression against the imaginary gatekeepers dating, stop.

Take a breath. And say to yourself, “No one cares.” Or if you haven’t quite calmed down after a girl tells you that she’d rather blow a rusty tailpipe than go on a date with you, “No one gives a fuck” is also a perfectly acceptable affirmation. No matter what words you chose to remind yourself, never forget that no one cares. Seriously. They don’t.
What exactly don’t people care about? Lots of things, but in this particular context it helps to remember that no one cares:

1) If you get rejected
2) If you spend the rest of your life masturbating and cursing the opposite sex
3) If you get laid
4) If things turned out well with that hottie in the corner you flirting with (unless that hottie happens to be said observers fiancee or more)
5) If you find love

This not only goes for the onlookers, but the person you decided was going to be the target of your courtship for the moment. Now it might actually feel like everyone at the party is looking at you like it’s 4th down with 2 seconds left with one play to win the game, but the reality is that most people don’t even know there’s a game on—at least not your game. They’re too concerned trying to score. And even if they aren’t, almost everyone has something going out that is more important than your hunt for a mate.

This isn’t grade school where everyone makes fun of you for having a crush because we all had cooties (though some of us still have cooties though—my doctor calls them herpes) No. Everyone is trying to get theirs, and no one is making fun of you or even thinking about you trying to get yours (with the possible exception of an angry and jealous ex).

And what about the person that just blew you off in polite (or not so polite) fashion? They may feel an inkling of guilt because most people don’t inherently enjoy being mean to people—even people they aren’t interested in. However, unless you did something truly ridiculous or awkward, your initial attempt won’t receive more than a passing through by them, and whether this bruises your ego or not, they probably will not remember you in a few short weeks anyway.

Regardless of what your worst nightmares are telling you, they aren’t sitting around laughing at you at every get together, they don’t tell stories about you each thanksgiving, and unless you are truly out of it, they probably won’t even recognize you if you run into the again unless it’s a specific type of social set up. Yes, it sucks, but it beats being the person that DOES leave an impression but does not get a date or phone number. Most times those people were [creepy, smelly, stupid, ugly, insert suitable adjective here] enough to leave a memory and for you people that fit that criteria, you will become an endless source of holiday stories. Sorry.

Now that I’ve shattered the illusion that people actually care what you do or will actually think about what you’re doing when you approach them or make passes, now here comes the good news (and my friends, remember, there is ALWAYS good news): This means that you are free to approach anyone you want because the memory does not stay with you or them, nor do they (or anyone else) particularly care. Even if you do fuck up and make a pass at someone’s wife, you’ll usually be politely corrected once. Consecutive passes typically result in a test of your chin against an angry fist.

This is the only way to improve—to always be approaching people. The only way to do this and learn from it is to not care too much about the particular outcome—only care about what you learned and experienced to make you better so that one day you can have whatever it is that you want from the opposite sex. Because if you don’t take this approach, it’s not like anyone will care to take your hand and do it for you. You might get lucky, but the reality is you probably won’t.

Though there are myriad types of prostitutes out there that care about your wallet in exchange for the illusion. Fuck the illusion, and fuck what you think people might be thinking. Remember—no one cares.